Facing a Fear

It's blog time again! But this one's only going to be a short-ish one as I haven't done any planning. I've only just decided to do it as I thought it would be nice to talk about my day, so forgive me if it doesn't seem as well thought out as my blogs normally do. I've been quiet lately as Marfan Syndrome Awareness month is coming up, so I've been trying to focus on putting something together for that. For now though, I'll tell you about today. 

This morning I went to church with my friend, she invited me along because she knows we share similar interests. Even though I have known her for a very long time, I was still nervous about going with her because I knew there'd be a lot of people there, (People are my biggest fear) & I always feel out of place in the middle of a crowd. But my friend made me feel less anxious by sitting with me at the back of the room out of the way of most people. I was worried about doing that in case I was seen as being rude, but nobody minded & everyone who spoke to me was friendly which made interacting easy. The service last nearly 2 hours & then my friend fetched me home.

I then realised what a huge step I had taken once again! (Sorry if you're bored of reading about my achievements) But it feels like a big deal to someone who has lived most of her life as a socially anxious oddity who would do anything to avoid an outing. I still feel like I have a long way to go, I wouldn't have made my own way to the church & gone inside on my own. I'm not at the stange of wanting or feeling able to be alone in a busy public place, or an unknown public place, I still feel like I need to have a close relative/friend with me to be able to do that. But this time last year, had my friend have asked me to go out with her then, I would've politely refused her offer out of fear. So looking at it like that.. I guess you could say I am making improvements.. Small ones, but still enough to be proud of.

I can't take all the credit for my bravery today though. A special thanks has to go to my friend for encouraging me & letting me know it's ok to be the way I am..🙂. I think that's it for now. X x

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